Fear Mixed with Joy

Other than on a rollercoaster ride, where else do fear and joy exist together?

Could anyone who is deathly afraid of flying be joyful and fearful in the air? What would motivate that person to strap themselves into a plane and face a barf bag? Knowing they’ll most likely use it. They might risk anything to be reunited with a loved one.

I share such yearnings.

Years ago, my husband and I traveled to Romania. I love flying and couldn’t wait to take off.

At the conference for Christian educators, we became close friends with the Romanian teachers.

I’ve kept in touch for several years with one lady. We email prayer requests and share family news. I enjoy hearing from her, but long to see her again. To be in her presence once more.

Nothing communicates better than a warm embrace. There are no language barriers when close friends look deep into each other’s eyes. Silence speaks volumes.

I’ve missed you. I’ve prayed for you. You mean so much to me. I’m honored to know you. Let me just rest in your presence.

Skype contact can’t fill the room with her sweet aroma. A picture of her can’t replace her gentle touch.

If I could afford it, I’d travel to Romania to be reunited with her again.

If I had the money to take the trip and feared flying, I’d still go. Joy would override apprehension.

In the Bible, we read about several women who went to Christ’s tomb. Grief and sadness were replaced with other emotions. Soon they were filled with fear and joy. (Matthew 28:8)

What consumed them with fear? Was it seeing the huge stone rolled away? Or seeing an angel? Or finding their Lord’s body gone?

What swelled their hearts with such elation? It was the joyous message the angel told them.

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said…” (Matthew 28:6)

Hearing their Lord had risen filled them with delight.

Fear is a familiar feeling to us. We know what it’s like to see unexpected, upsetting, and unpredictable behaviors. It’s normal to be afraid.

Can we, like the women at Christ’s tomb experience joy amid fear? Yes! For the same reason the women were able to rejoice in spite of what they just saw and experienced. Christ is alive.

Just like those women, we seek Him. The One who will hear, help and heal. We want to know He’s there.

In Matthew 28:20 we read Christ’s own words of assurance: “… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

That’s a promise we can cling to when all else falls apart.

He’s with us when things are unpredictable. When dreams are shattered. When sorrow overwhelms us.

All we need to do is believe. Don’t feel badly if that’s easier said than done. Even Jesus’ apostles needed this admonition to believe Christ rose from the dead: “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!” (Luke 24:25)

Oh, what joy they experienced once they realized Christ had risen and spoke to them!

“Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32)

May you be quick to believe so your heart will burn within as Christ speaks to you. Listen to Him. Hear the words you long to hear. Rest in His presence. Fear may creep in, but joy will fill your soul.

What do you long to hear from your Lord?

To Keep a Secret

Nov21

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13

‘Wanna know how to instantly get children quiet? Whisper into someone’s ear. Suddenly a hush will fill the room as ears strain to hear the private message.

Kids learn at a young age to protect their privacy. They know when others should mind their own business. If anyone tries to intrude, they shout, “It’s none of your business!”

But they’re curious to know other people’s business. A craving shared by some adults. Living on a diet of juicy gossip. Discovering protected stories is their mission. Proudly passing them along is their delight.

Why do some people thrive on learning sensitive information? Why do they get such a thrill from capturing scandalous facts?

Perhaps, we all secretly want to peek into the lives of others. To know we’re not the only ones with shocking experiences locked in the vault of our mind. In hopes that our skeletons in the closet aren’t as bad as other’s.

Why don’t we want others to know our child has mental illness (MI)? Our motherly instincts compel us to protect. Protect from what? Is it that we fear our child will be teased? We’ll do anything to shield our child from more pain.

Is there a time to share our secret? Esther knew the importance of waiting until the right time to reveal her family secret (Esther 2:20). Sometimes, it’s best to wait before sharing. Especially when many misunderstand and unfairly judge those who have MI. God will grant us wisdom to know when and if to share our secret.

Could anything good come from revealing the diagnosis?

Think about how heavy a shopping bag feels when it’s stuffed with groceries. Consider how the weight seems to get heavier as the bag is carried a great distance to the car. Such relief comes when that load is laid down!

We’re carrying a heavy load in our hearts. Looking for someone with outstretched arms, ready to receive our pain.

Finally, we find a trusted friend. We share our secret. Lay down our burden. And experience such relief!

We’re no longer alone.

Dear heavenly Father,

Protect my child from those who would tease or treat him unkindly if they discovered he has MI. Thank You for giving me a friend who can be trusted with our family secret. How I long for people to have a greater understanding of those who have MI! Move mightily in the hearts and minds of people so the shame and stigma associated with MI will be replaced with insight and compassion. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Thankful?

Nov15

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

“The man next door is building a tunnel under the ground and into my room.” Such was the statement born out of the woman’s disease rather than reality. Paranoia filled her mind with scary thoughts. The culprit? An aggressive form of dementia.

Two decades prior to my visit to that nursing home, I met Cathy. I first knew her as our son’s kindergarten aide. Through the years, I came to love her joyful spirit. I got to know her vibrant and sweet personality. At times, she could be mischievous. We shared many happy memories and became close friends. More like family.

It was only a year ago that love radiated from Cathy’s face, words, and actions. Such a stark contrast to her countenance in those unfamiliar surroundings. On that day in the nursing home sat a broken, fearful woman.

An inner sadness tugged the corners of her mouth downward. Sheer discouragement dragged her chin to her chest.

Confused thinking prevented clear communication. Yet, her body language shouted one clear message: I hate this place! I dread one more day living like this!

But, Cathy’s illness couldn’t smother her gratitude. For a brief moment, she lifted her head and whispered,

“Thanks for being here.” Obviously thankful in her circumstances, not for them.

Aren’t we all like Cathy? In an intolerable situation, we’re grateful when someone comes along side us. At the death of a loved one, we’re comforted by the presence of a compassionate friend. A person who speaks not a word…just silently shares the sorrow.

We can empathize with others who know our sorrow. We can share their discouragement and anguish. Yet, we are not defeated. Why? Because of His unfailing love. Because of His wonderful deeds.

Like Cathy, we can be thankful for His presence. Grateful for His existence in our lives. Appreciative of His protection and provision.

A scared little child finds relief when a parent grabs his hand. Reach out to grab your Father’s hand.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be able to give Him thanks because of His love, help, and presence.

Dear Father, thank You for Your unfailing love and wonderful deeds. (Psalm 107:8, 15, 21, and 31)

I can face tomorrow because I can depend on Your love. Your Word promised that Your love endures forever. (1 Chronicles 16:34 & 41, 2 Chronicles 20:21, Psalm 106:1, Psalm 107:1, Psalm 118:1& 29, Psalm 136: 1-3 & 26, and Jeremiah 33:11)

Back on Track

Nov8

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7

It’s not even Thanksgiving and signs of Christmas are everywhere: in the stores and on TV commercials. The Hallmark channel has already begun their Christmas movies marathon. Ugh!

One Christmas movie featured a toy train set. I got to thinking. What do people love so much about toy trains? Is it the hypnotic, slow pace? Is it the power to control the pace? Is it the Christmas tree lights shining down on the train?

I’m sure the memories are what we love best. Reminders of a safer time in our lives. When life seemed simple and magical.

Most people have perfected the skill of getting a toy train back on track. You gently slide the train back and forth along the track until the wheels click back in place.

Wouldn’t it be nice to solve life’s derailments so simply?

Ever get on the wrong train? Scenes outside the window fill your stomach with a sick feeling. Being on the wrong track is never a good feeling.

Oh no. I’m on the wrong train. I’m headed in the wrong direction. This is so embarrassing. Where will this lead me? How soon can I get off?

Relief comes only when you’re safely on the correct train. Restoration to damaged pride comes later!

God’s people seemed to get off track when they wandered in the wilderness. God constantly got them back on track. They grumbled. God provided. They complained. God forgave and provided. They whined. God remained long suffering.

When things get off track in life, it’s not so simple to restore smooth traveling. We may not know where we’re headed. Thankfully, our Father is the master conductor of our lives.

Parenting a child with mental illness (MI) tends to get us derailed. Like the Israelites, we tend to worry. Yet, God provides. We fear. God protects. We lose hope. God restores our faith in Him. Gently sliding us back on track. As we focus on familiar scenes of His faithfulness.

We’re not simply on a track leading through the tunnel of MI. We’re fighting the good fight. A battle for the spiritual well-being of our child and our family. We face spiritual warfare right in our homes.

Yet, tribulation will not separate us from the love of Christ. Romans 8:35-39 assures us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

When I see evidence of the enemy’s attempts to taunt or torture my son, I get angry. I quote Romans 8:35-39.

How are you fighting to keep the faith and to restore His peace?

Hurricane

Oct29

Hurricane Sandy seen moving towards the east coast of the US in this NASA satellite image taken on 10-29-12

Yesterday, a friend and I drove towards the approaching Hurricane Sandy.

Dubbed “Frankenstorm”, the storm promised to be large, powerful, and dangerous. The ingredients were enough to impress meteorologists and terrorize residents along the northeast coastline of America. The 2^nd largest hurricane ever would cross land in the most populated part of our country. A powerful Jetstream from the west and a high in the north would create a wind tunnel. Increasing the storm’s intensity.

The storm was predicted to hit our area on Monday. But, a hurricane that has tropical storm-force winds extending out to 520 miles can pack a punch even from a distance. As we drove home toward the Philadelphia area, we were grateful the wind and rain weren’t too bad.

So, why would my friend and I even think of venturing out Sunday afternoon? We wanted to connect with other families who would understand what it’s like to have a loved one with mental illness (MI).

We know there are other moms like us who have a child with mental illness. But, we wanted to meet other courageous families who know exactly what our lives are like. So, we traveled 82 miles to attend a support group meeting at No Longer Alone Ministries. Attending their Christian support group meeting was our motivation.

We left feeling blessed and encouraged. Those who attended the meeting inspired us. They told stories of how they cling to their faithful Father in the midst of deep sorrow and grief.

Each day, they live in the midst of a storm.

Some experience swirling winds of emotions, and crashing violence. Some spoke of the impact MI had on finances.

Others face an eerie silence from a once vibrant child.

All expressed an awareness of the challenges of a storm: unpredictability of their situation, loss of power, disruption of normalcy, uncertainty of the future, and destruction of lives.

All offered testimony to how God has provided. Surely God can be found in the storms of life.

Exodus 24:12 tells us the Lord invited Moses to, “Come up to me on the mountain and stay here…”

That’s His invitation to us. Moses heard God speak from within the cloud.

We, too, can hear God speak to us inside our clouds. Listen to His promises.

As I watch scenes on TV which show the power of the storm, I’m reminded of God’s power and provision. His people wandered in the wilderness and God provided for their needs. Food rained down from heaven in such abundance that it couldn’t be counted.

“He let loose the east wind from the heavens and by his power made the south wind blow. He rained meat down on them like dust, birds like sand on the seashore.” Psalm 78:26-28

That same God will provide for our needs as we journey in our wilderness.

Is mental illness contagious?

Oct23

Ever worry that you’re losing your mind? When mental illness hits home, so do unusual or unnerving behaviors. Your child may do things that seem completely out of character. You’re taken off guard. It makes no sense. Life becomes unpredictable.

It’s like walking on a tightrope that periodically gets shaken. Without any notice, turbulence begins. Your feet hold on for dear life. The only thing keeping you from falling into the abyss is one thin cord.

Only, the cord is your own mental capacities to think clearly. In order to prepare for another shocking event or action, you cling tightly.

The only rational response is to expect turmoil. Unprovoked anger, bazaar behaviors, and strange comments are the norm. Nothing surprises you anymore. To prepare for the next wave of emotion, your alert button is kept on high.

But, the grip on your sanity starts to slip. That rope is about to snap. You wonder if mental illness is somehow contagious.

Have I come to an acceptance of mental illness? Or am I losing my mind? I can’t hold on much longer.

Before you become unwound, hold onto the hope of God’s peace.

I know firsthand that you can have peace in the midst of piercing sorrow. When our son had to be hospitalized, sadness stabbed my heart. Yet, God’s perfect peace kept me from unraveling. I experienced calmness in the midst of crisis. You can too.

How?

Music soothes the soul.

David’s music eased a king’s troubled soul. Fill your home with worship music. Songs that remind you of His faithfulness and love.

Reflect on one verse each day. Feed on promises like:

You can have perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3)

You can lie down in peace and sleep in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

You can have peace in spite of trouble because He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)

You can have peace at all times and in every way. (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

You can live in peace because the God of peace is with us. (2 Corinthians 13:11)

You don’t have to be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27)

Your mind and heart will be guarded. (Philippians 4:7)

God is your peace. (Ephesians 2:14)

Christ’s peace can rule in your heart. (Colossians 3:15)

The God of peace will equip you. (Hebrews 13:20-21)

He will fill your heart with joy. (Acts 14:17)

Verses about Peace

Psalm 34:14 tells us to, “Seek peace and pursue it.”

It’s yours for the taking.

Overwhelmed with Sorrow

Oct17

“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

Throughout Chris’s school years, learning was easy for him. He always brought home A’s. Until one day.

Chris’s first grade teacher wanted to prepare me for the unusually low grade he would bring home that day. Since I taught in the small Christian school he attended, I ate lunch with his teacher.

“I had to give Chris a D on his math test,” she explained.

“Why?”

“He didn’t follow the directions.”

After school, Chris came to my classroom. As soon as he started to talk, he burst into tears.

“What’s the matter, Chris?”

Thrusting his math paper at me, he sobbed, “I got this paper back.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m afraid you’re not gonna love me anymore.”

How could he think such a thing? What made him believe my love could be turned off by a mere bad grade? How could he ever imagine my love for him was conditional?

Then it dawned on me. Tests grades with A’s were proudly displayed on our refrigerator. Chris assumed the kitchen was our hall of earned love. The place of honor reserved for excellent work. In his mind, papers with A’s were payments to gain my love.

Chris was overwhelmed with sorrow at the thought I wouldn’t love him anymore. His sadness opened the floodgates of my compassion.

“Oh, Chris, nothing will ever stop me from loving you. Not this grade. Not any mistake you’ll ever make. I will always love you.”

Chris isn’t the only one who’s become overwhelmed with sorrow.

Jesus became overwhelmed with sorrow. In the book of Matthew, Jesus told His disciples He was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” when faced with bearing the burden of everyone’s sin (Matthew 26:38). What was His response? He found a quiet place and prayed to His father.

We, too, suffer great sorrow. In agony, we watch our child struggle with mental illness. Do we pray to our Father?

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus told his disciples to pray so they won’t fall into temptation. That’s His desire for us too. He knows we face the temptation to give into our human reactions. It’s easy to become fearful, uncertain, hopeless, and depressed.

Just like Chris, go to God and honestly admit, “I haven’t followed Your directions and have neglected my private times with You. I’m afraid you don’t love me anymore. Show me Your love. Help me see Your path for my child’s life. Reveal Your presence in my house. Restore clarity of thought and joy to my son. Encourage me today. Bless me with Your perfect peace.”

Release the floodgates of His love for you.

A Reason to Smile

Sep19

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3

Does putting on a happy face work? It depends on the goal. It might succeed in fooling others. But, we can’t fool ourselves by pretending to be cheerful. We can attempt to hide sorrow and pain. But, a fake smile can’t change the fact that there is turmoil either in our heart or in our home (or both).

This past weekend I had a reason to smile. Our son, Chris, participated in his church’s celebration of the arts. The fact that he’s actively involved with his church makes me happy. When his performance went well, I smiled. The reason for my sheer delight came when I introduced myself to one of Chris’s friends.

“Hi, I’m Chris’s mother.”

“Hello, Mrs. Chandler. I’m so glad Chris is my friend.”

It warmed my heart to hear that comment.

People who have mental illness (MI) are often excluded, misunderstood, ostracized, or ignored. What a joy to know someone sincerely values their friendship with Chris!

Any mom is happiest when everything is going well for her kids. If her kids are cheerful, so is she. Our children can be the greatest source of joy. Or sorrow.

A mother of a child who has MI yearns for that child to be content and peaceful. To have a reason to smile.

We grow weary of putting on a superficial smile. Painting it on like lipstick to conceal opposing feelings. To hide the shame. To pretend everything is normal and fine in our lives.

But God cares about what’s behind that façade. In His Word we read that, “Even in laughter the heart may sorrow…” (Proverbs 14:13). Our Father knows when we’re putting on a good front. He sees past the false expression, to the hidden sorrow. He knows the solution requires more than a Kodak-moment smile.

No wonder the word smile appears infrequently in the Bible. It’s much easier to find words like: delight, joy, grateful, and cheerful. Those deeper emotions swell up inside until they spill over to our face. They give us a real reason to smile.

God can fill our hearts with such joy that it bubbles up from our soul and onto our face. We see depression causing our child to curl up, with head hung low. And find hope in the Lifter of heads. The One who can restore joy to our children and to us.

How has God given you a reason to smile?

Ice Cream Sundae Prayers

Sep6

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God…And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” (Romans 8:14-16)

Little children know how to ask specifically for what they want. “Daddy, may I please have an ice cream sundae with two scoops of chocolate ice cream, lotsa rainbow jimmies, chocolate syrup, nuts, whipped cream, and two cherries?”

Their detailed lists help us know exactly how to bless them.

But requests we make to our heavenly Father are brief. “Please, God, help my child feel better.”

No details. Nothing specific.

Why do we hold back from asking exactly what we want? Perhaps we’re too busy. Maybe we fear He won’t provide what we need. Or that we’re undeserving. So we whisper simply, “God please spare my child any stress.”

Our son, Chris, experienced his first psychotic episode while attending a public school. I dared to come before the Creator of the universe and lay a list of requests at His throne.

I cried out, “Oh merciful Father, move mightily in the hearts and minds of the educators in Chris’s life. Create in them a compassionate attitude toward Chris. Guide them to respond lovingly to our son. Provide a way for Chris to get relief and help if he feels overwhelmed during the school day.”

God’s answer: The principal presented Chris with a gold pass. A get-out-of-class-without-any-questions-asked pass. It could be shown to any teacher at any time. Teachers were instructed to allow Chris to leave class. Support personnel were designated on each floor to be available to Chris (guidance counselors, principal, and nurse).

During that year, Chris participated in a foreign exchange program. In return for us hosting a German student the previous year, Chris flew to Germany. He lived with a German family for a month. Instead of simply asking God to take care of Chris, I asked, “Please Father, help Chris take his medicine. Provide clarity of thought. Help him feel Your presence.”

Once again, God faithfully responded.

The next year, Chris wanted to live away from home. He chose to attend a university known as a party school. The specific prayer this time sounded like this: “Oh God, please provide just the right roommate for Chris. One that doesn’t drink. One that will be a perfect match for Chris.”

God’s answer: Chris had a Christian roommate. A quiet young man who took his studies seriously.

We want to bless our children when they ask us for things. Surely God wants to do the same. The difference? His love is perfect. His power is limitless. His faithfulness is dependable.

Cry, Abba and run into God’s loving arms. Boldly beg for His intervention.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

Help from a King

Aug23

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

If we had access to the most powerful and influential man on earth, what would we request?

I’d ask for a personal escort for my son. Someone who could be with him when I couldn’t. A person who could protect him from others who seek to harm the vulnerable.

Sometimes our son, Chris, travels into a nearby large city. He rides on public transportation usually carrying several bags. Full of anything he might need.

His parting words are, “If I miss the last train out of the city, I’ll just sleep in the terminal.”

Those words meant to assure me, scare me to death. That’s precisely my fear. The death of our son. The terminal at night is no place to be if you want to remain safe and unharmed. Ghastly things go on when the trains shut down.

Chris feels safe in the knowledge he’s physically fit and has his black belt in karate.

When he leaves, I wonder if that will be the last time I’ll see him. I can’t control his surroundings. But I know One who can. So, I ask God to protect him.

What’s locked in your vault of secret desires? What are your unspoken needs?

Mothers who have children with mental illness carry additional cares in their bags of parental concerns. Maybe your secret desire is to have a companion. Someone to share the rough road you travel. Someone who won’t judge. Someone who will understand.

People with mental illness and their loved ones are still ostracized at times.

What does the Bible say about that? We find an example in leprosy.

Lepers experienced isolation due to an illness. Removed from society, they were left alone. Misunderstood. Not treated tenderly in their misery. Banished and shunned. Merely existing with others suffering from the disease.

How they must have yearned for a loving touch!

Along came Jesus. Who lovingly responded to their deepest need. A gentle touch.

He’s still reaching out to say, “I know how lonely you feel. How much you need a loving touch. I’m here with you in your journey.”

What’s your greatest need?