Best and Worst

Worst

Best

Does it feel like your life needs a complete make-over? Perhaps, you feel like God has gutted your family. Each day requires maneuvering around construction cones that detour you from your destination: to survive the day without any turmoil. You wonder what God’s doing?

Jeremiah knew the feeling of God’s make-over plans. The Lord told him to buy a field that was in the path of the Babylonian army. Anyone would advise, “Don’t buy it. That’s not a wise investment. The enemy will own it soon.”

But, Jeremiah trusted the Designer of heart make-overs. Although it made no good business sense, Jeremiah obeyed God’s directive. He trusted in his Sovereign Lord and was able to say, “Though the city will be given into the hands of the Babylonians, you, Sovereign Lord, say to me, ‘Buy the field with silver and have the transaction witnessed’… I knew that this was the word of the LORD; so I bought the field…” (Jeremiah 32:8-9. 25)

In the face of inevitable defeat, Jeremiah followed God’s command. Jeremiah understood the sin of God’s people. He knew God’s ability to turn the hearts of His people back to Him.

God gave His best: the Promised Land.
The Israelites responded with their worst: turning to other gods.
He restored His best: He drew them back to Himself, giving them a singleness of heart to worship only Him.

Can we, like Jeremiah, trust that nothing is too hard for God? (Jeremiah 32:17) Our loving Father knows how to make things right. He is able to work in the heart and minds of our loved ones.

But, make-overs aren’t always easy. Last year, the pipes above our kitchen were cracked. At any moment they’d break and flood the kitchen. Something had to be done. Should we pay for a complete make-over? Or, could we choose the less expensive route and have it fixed?

The forty-year-old room looked its age. From the disgusting cabinets, to the broken stove, to the cracked floor tiles, it screamed, “Help!”

Fixing it up, thought cheaper, seemed impossible. A complete renovation was needed.

We hired a contractor and requested, “Gut the entire kitchen. Raise the ceiling. Blow out one wall. Add more counters—all made of granite. Install new lights. We’ll buy upgraded appliances, choose cabinetry, and select floor tiles…”

It was tough being banished from our kitchen for four weeks. First, we had to box up all our pots, pans, dishes, and glasses. Next, came the painting….

But, it was worth it. A thorough overhaul resulted in a warm and inviting room. One where we love to eat and entertain guests. We enjoy spending time there each day. We didn’t enjoy the renovation, but it was necessary.

Our kitchen is a constant symbol of a loving Father’s mighty work. God moves powerfully in our situations. We can endure divine and temporary demolition. Knowing He is rebuilding lives and restoring relationships. In the process, He draws us to Himself.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Rest assured, God’s best is being crafted. Our best is to trust He will complete that work.

Sing along and tell God, “Have Thine own way.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioJf4EpVdU8

In the Shadow of Death

Jan27

Our Beloved Pet

Are we ever prepared for the death of a loved one?

On Martin Luther King Day, we had to put down our beloved 13 yr. old cocker spaniel. Three days later, my 93 yr. old mother-in-law, Mary, passed away.

Losing a family member is devastating. Losing two loved ones in the same week is more painful.

Many of us who have a child with serious mental illness (MI) worry about an early death of that child because MI can lead a person to commit suicide.

Our son, Chris, often says, “I won’t kill myself. But if I die, I’ll be in a much better place.”
Each time he repeats those words, I wonder if God is preparing my heart to face the unthinkable: Chris’s life being cut short. How could I face such tragedy?

Christ’s disciples faced the death of their Lord. Such loss. Soon after, He arose from the grave and appeared to them. Such joy! But, then He left them again as He ascended.

Then the disciples did something unexpected. They worshiped Him, returned to Jerusalem with great joy, and praised God.

When our dog died, my first reaction wasn’t joy. When I saw Mary in the hospital after she suffered a massive stroke, my inclination wasn’t to worship and praise God. Sadness flooded my heart. Tears flowed.

How were Jesus’ followers able to praise God when their Master left them? Luke tells us the answer.

“While He was blessing them, He left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped Him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.” Luke 24:51-53

They looked to God. They stayed in His presence.

Only there, can we find the same comfort. Remaining in His Word and continuing in prayer.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3
We can have victory over the enemy’s attempt to get us to abandon our faith.

The Bible tells us that we have a cloud of witness (Hebrews 12). Heroes of faith who have gone on before us are cheering us on. Can you hear them speaking to you? They’re telling you, “Trust God. Be patient. He is compassionate and merciful. Keep running your race. You can do it because God is faithful.”

Still, I wonder if I could maintain a trust in God if my son died young. I know the Holy Spirit would comfort me.

That same Comforter helped Job. A man who lost not just one child, but all his children…in addition to his livelihood. Yet, he still praised God.

“Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.’” Job 1:20-21

Job wasn’t the only one who lost his business and all his children.
In 1873 Horatio Spafford, a wealthy Chicago lawyer, wrote the words to the favorite hymn “It is Well with My Soul.”

Job and Horatio Spafford were real people. We can have a blessed assurance that God will help us through such grief. We may not understand why God allows suffering. But by faith we too can say, “It is well with my soul.”

Listen to that hymn as you read Horatio Spafford’s remarkable story.

My Introduction to Mental Illness

Jan3

Early in my career as a special educator, I faced a particularly challenging situation with a student. Her mental illness foreshadowed things to come. God graciously provided the experience so I would recognize it in my son years later.

*****************

September signaled the time for a new school year to begin. It was my third year of teaching at the school for the blind. I finished typing braille name tags for the desks. I’d meet my new students the next day. The building administrator stopped by my classroom to deliver an important message.

“One of your students, Kim, is having a psychotic episode,” my supervisor told me.

I searched my memory for the meaning of “psychotic episode.” Pushing aside embarrassed feelings, I admitted my ignorance and asked, “What does that mean?”

Mr. Graham casually said, “Kim’s out of touch with reality.”

His calm tone didn’t match his words. Surely they didn’t match my reaction!

This time I could only ask myself, What does that mean?

I was trying to comprehend it all and still keep my focus on everything that was about to happen in a typical first day of school with multi-handicapped children. Panic started to set in. I bluntly asked, “Can I ask a stupid question? Why is she coming to school?”

“Kim’s parents want her to see the school psychiatrist. He’s not in yet. When he arrives, I’ll let you know.”

Somehow I’d have to deal with Kim until he came in. But, how would I manage her while greeting my other students?

Little did I know, years later I would fully understand what it meant for someone to have a psychotic episode. But on that day it was all new to me. This was not in my lesson plans.

What am I supposed to do with her? What am I supposed to do with my other very-involved students while dealing with Kim? What am I supposed to tell my aide?

There wasn’t much time for me to figure it out. I was filled with panic. Emotions consumed me with self-pity.

Why did this have to happen? It’s not fair.

Like other teachers, I prepared thoroughly for the first day of school. Educators want that day to be very special and run smoothly. I was no exception. I worked hard to ensure a happy and productive start to the school year. I prayed each student would adjust easily to their fellow classmates, to their aide, and to me.

But, this unexpected news caught me off guard. Like someone just ripped the rug of confidence right out from under me. Just moments before, excitement bubbled inside me. I eagerly anticipated the first day with them. I was looking forward to meeting my adolescent students who were blind and multi-handicapped. Because of the many hours I spent studying their files, I felt I already knew them. Their records outlined academic, physical, emotional, and social limitations. Each one had needs beyond my training. But, I felt up to the task.

Clearly, all my students presented a challenge. Teaching them would be difficult. But, I was well prepared. I planned for a smooth start. Not, however, for one of my students to be out of touch from reality. My fairy tale script for the start of school wasn’t supposed to begin with such a gaping hole.

I needed to learn an important lesson: life isn’t predictable. Things don’t always go as planned.

Some teachers have to teach with limited teaching supplies due to budget restrictions. I’ve even known teachers who had to start a school year without new textbooks. But, I’ve never known anyone who had to teach a student who had no working mind. This wasn’t covered in my college Methods of Teaching course. I realized my need for God’s guidance.

Leaning on the Lord was a new experience for me. Even though I grew up attending church every Sunday, it was all empty religion and tradition. It didn’t become real until I was in college and faced a crisis in my life. It was then that I realized there was a difference between religion and a relationship with the Lord who cares for me personally. It all became real. Jesus died for my sins and He cares about my life. So, I said a quick prayer and continued my preparations for the first day.

Heavenly Father, give me wisdom to know how to welcome each student tomorrow. Especially Kim.

Thankfully, all the other students arrived before Kim. Each delivered by their morning daycare workers. My fairy tale script was still intact, for the moment.

Kim arrived last, escorted by Mr. Graham. Her eyes had an empty, lifeless look to them. Not like the given-up-on-life stares I saw in another student’s custodial care institution. There was no hint of expression on her face. It almost looked like she was asleep with her eyes open. In a daze. Like a live mannequin. Frozen in space and time.

Mr. Graham guided her to a chair. There she sat. Motionless. Catatonic.

“Welcome to class, Kim. I’m Miss Vicki. That’s Miss Sharon. We’ll be your teachers.”

No reaction.

Teaching the lessons proved easier than expected, considering the circumstances. My emotions proved to be the hardest things to manage that morning. I felt tremendous compassion for Kim. Such a strong urge to reach out to her. To connect with her some way. To ease her pain.

A foreign feeling engulfed my heart. Helplessness. That new and unfamiliar emotion would visit me often as a parent. Too often.

After a few hours, the psychiatrist arrived and took Kim away. Later that day, I learned she was in a fetal position. I couldn’t help her. All I could do was pray for her.

God was teaching me how to handle helpless situations. When things seemed out of control, I could turn to Him. Anywhere. Anytime. He was always available. Able to help those I loved.

Kim returned to school in two short weeks.

“I’ve never witnessed such a quick recovery,” the psychiatrist told me. He went on to caution me.

“Kim will experience paranoia. While she wasn’t in touch with reality, life when on. Events happened without her knowledge. She might think everyone is making things up.”

As predicted, Kim appeared quite paranoid, confused, and distrustful.

Since many of the students in the school exhibited unusual behaviors, visitors had to be approved by the public relations director. If approved, the director would inform the staff in advance of a tour. Unfortunately, around that time the director neglected to notify us of a tour. I would have requested the visitors bypass my classroom so as not to upset Kim.

My classroom had a window on each side of the door. I kept my door closed while teaching. Suddenly, without any notice, there were many faces peering into my classroom. Kim had enough vision to see the door. She noticed the faces staring at her and let out a bone-chilling scream. She put her head in her desk. I thought, ‘Serves them right for not notifying us beforehand!

My four years teaching at the school for the blind presented additional problems to solve. Some insurmountable enough to remind me of my inadequacies. Of my need for God’s guidance.

Encounters with students who had emotional problems, mental illness, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
(ADHD) were part of the job. Never did I imagine I’d face similar situations in my home. God, in His loving care and wisdom, knew those experiences would later help me as a parent.

Through those seemingly impossible problems, God showed me His power and love. Verses in the Bible came alive and had new meaning. Upheld promises bolstered my faith in a loving Father. Years later as a parent, I’d claim those same promises.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us…” (Ephesians 3:20)

“Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

Thank you, Father for Your constant care when I need guidance.

How has God prepared you for what you’re facing?

To Keep a Secret

Nov21

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13

‘Wanna know how to instantly get children quiet? Whisper into someone’s ear. Suddenly a hush will fill the room as ears strain to hear the private message.

Kids learn at a young age to protect their privacy. They know when others should mind their own business. If anyone tries to intrude, they shout, “It’s none of your business!”

But they’re curious to know other people’s business. A craving shared by some adults. Living on a diet of juicy gossip. Discovering protected stories is their mission. Proudly passing them along is their delight.

Why do some people thrive on learning sensitive information? Why do they get such a thrill from capturing scandalous facts?

Perhaps, we all secretly want to peek into the lives of others. To know we’re not the only ones with shocking experiences locked in the vault of our mind. In hopes that our skeletons in the closet aren’t as bad as other’s.

Why don’t we want others to know our child has mental illness (MI)? Our motherly instincts compel us to protect. Protect from what? Is it that we fear our child will be teased? We’ll do anything to shield our child from more pain.

Is there a time to share our secret? Esther knew the importance of waiting until the right time to reveal her family secret (Esther 2:20). Sometimes, it’s best to wait before sharing. Especially when many misunderstand and unfairly judge those who have MI. God will grant us wisdom to know when and if to share our secret.

Could anything good come from revealing the diagnosis?

Think about how heavy a shopping bag feels when it’s stuffed with groceries. Consider how the weight seems to get heavier as the bag is carried a great distance to the car. Such relief comes when that load is laid down!

We’re carrying a heavy load in our hearts. Looking for someone with outstretched arms, ready to receive our pain.

Finally, we find a trusted friend. We share our secret. Lay down our burden. And experience such relief!

We’re no longer alone.

Dear heavenly Father,

Protect my child from those who would tease or treat him unkindly if they discovered he has MI. Thank You for giving me a friend who can be trusted with our family secret. How I long for people to have a greater understanding of those who have MI! Move mightily in the hearts and minds of people so the shame and stigma associated with MI will be replaced with insight and compassion. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Clearer Thinking, Calmer Emotions

Sep12

“Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” Psalm 31:24 (NKJV)

Do you wish your child could have clearer thinking and calmer emotions? Is that your wish, your prayer, or an impossible dream?

It’s easier for me to reflect on the care-free days of the past. My thoughts often drift back to before Chris entered elementary school. Those memories draw me back to simpler times. I welcome those daydreams. They help me relive times when Chris seemed happier.

Back then, observations from complete strangers sounded like, “He’s such a happy little boy.”

It’s true. Chris smiled all the time, up until he turned five.

That’s when struggles at school sucked that smile right off his face. Difficulties caused in part by his attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

But those struggles don’t come close to the challenges of mental illness (MI).

Nowadays, it’s rare to see a relaxed smile on his face.

How I yearn to ease his pain. Remove any torment.

That’s why I love to hear occasional comments from him which give me a glimpse of happier emotions. Recently Chris shared, “I’m more content than I’ve ever been. It’s nice to have freedom from responsibilities.”

What mother of a child who has MI hasn’t wished she could put a band aide on her child’s turbulent emotions? Kiss away memories of rejection. Vacuum the fog from her child’s mind.

But we can’t change thoughts and feelings. There is One who can. Why do we have trouble trusting God to do that mighty work?

We trust teachers to care for our kids and police officers to protect us. Unwavering faith in machines is demonstrated every day. People enter an elevator without fearing it will crash to the basement. They trust it will gently deliver them to the selected floor. Meals are prepared with confidence that ovens will cook instead of explode and burn. Most of us find security in locks and alarm systems.

We even trust forces of nature we can’t see. Sliding boards are monuments to our belief in gravity. Sails are installed on boats as proof of our trust in the wind.

Why can’t we trust God who has all power and perfect love? The Creator of the universe, the One who conquered death, can surely work mightily in the hearts and minds of people.

When I’m resigned to “fact” that my son will always suffer with MI, I’m denying the power of God. Living in the past because realities of today are too hard to face is no way to live. Resignation and denial can be overcome by hope. Hope in a living and loving Father.