Feeling Powerless

Dec26

“I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high” (Luke 24:49.)

“I can’t deal with it anymore.”

What’s your “it?”

Is it watching the news—seeing what’s happening in our nation and in the world? Or is it life’s challenges? Or perhaps it’s your marriage. Maybe your “it” is struggling to forgive someone who’s hurt or betrayed you.

I once had a second grader who couldn’t deal with writing his first cursive t. That was his “it.” Even though Tommy had an artistic gift, he convinced himself he couldn’t write the new letter. His helpless feeling overwhelmed him. Feeling defeated, he stopped trying.

“Mrs. Chandler, Tommy’s crying.”

I walked to his desk. Countless erasures revealed his failed attempts.

“You can do it, Tommy. I’ll walk you through it. Start off with an undercurve stroke. That’s right. Now loop back and then make a slant. Yes, good. Now, do another undercurve. OK. Cross it. Yay! You did it! What a beautiful letter you wrote. See, you can do it.”

“Yeah, but you told me what to do.”

“Okay. I won’t tell you the strokes. I’ll just stand here to remind you that you can do it. Try again.”

All Tommy needed was my presence. That made a huge difference.

Perhaps all we need to face our “it” is God’s presence. As believers, we have access to a power source greater than any nuclear power plant. Power that lasts longer than any solar power. Because God’s Son is the Source of that power.

Little things overwhelm us when our hearts are already overwhelmed. One tiny problem can break us. Make us want to give up.

We can cast our load of care on Him.

God with us, living within us, can carry our burdens. He will give us supernatural inner strength and peace.

Like, Tommy, we sometimes begin our day defeated. Fears overwhelm us even before we step out of bed. Powerlessness fills our heads with pessimistic thoughts.

I can’t face today. I’m powerless to control things, handle situations, or prevent problems.

Wouldn’t it be nice to put on power just as easy as we put on our clothes? We can! It’s possible to adorn ourselves in something more powerful than Superman’s cape.

Christ told His disciples they will be clothed with power from on high. We, too, can wrap ourselves in that power. As believers, it’s already within us. Who knew God was our personal fashion expert!

Dear Father, fill me afresh with Your Holy Spirit.

I Can Relate to Adam Lanza’s Mother

Dec16

My son, Chris

In the wake of yet another mass shooting, many want to know what the Connecticut gunman’s mother knew.

As a mother of a son with mental illness, I have an idea. Assist News Service posted an article I wrote. Check out that article.

http://www.assistnews.net/

Not All Become Shooters

Dec15

What’s so remarkable about a man who raised three children? He accomplished that and more, against all odds and in spite of his mental illness (MI).

As a baby, his twin brother died from a rat bite. Several years later, his father died in a war. His grieving mother had an abundance of children, but little money. She unleashed her anger on the man and his siblings.

In desperation, the man’s mother remarried. But soon after, his step-father lost an arm in battle. The great depression fueled his mother’s fury and frustration. As money dwindled, her rage grew. The abuse escalated.

So, in his early teens, the man left home. Farmers took him in. He worked on the farm before and after school to pay for his rent. During the day, he got teased by fellow students. Thick glasses and poverty seemed to give them license to taunt.

His days consisted of farm chores, school attendance, field labor, and homework assignments. Nothing more. No play. No friends. No family. Except the man’s older brother who stayed in touch with him.

The man attended college, financed by his older brother. Upon graduation, he got hired as an electrical engineer. Marriage, children, and a home in the suburbs came soon after. Followed by an earned master’s degree. Which led to depression. Treated successfully by medication.

The man’s children grew up and married. His son earned a Ph. D. from Harvard University. His two daughters became special educators and married. One of his grandsons became a physician. Another grandson is currently working on his advanced degree at Harvard University.

Who is the man? My dad. My hero. My son’s role model. Although cancer took his life years ago, his life is an example of someone who contributed greatly in spite of MI.

What do Abraham Lincoln and Brook Shields have in common? How ‘bout Ludwig van Beethoven and Catherine Zeta-Jones? Or Jesse Jackson Jr. and Herschel Walker? Or Vincent Van Gogh and Princess Diana?

They’re all famous people who contributed richly to society in spite of their MI.

Mental Health Advocacy Inc. has a lengthy list of people with MI living successful lives. Their point: people with MI have something to contribute.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) also has a list: “People with Mental Illness Enrich Our Lives” demonstrates that MI impacts people in all walks of life. It affects famous athletes, politicians, actors, artists, musicians, scientists, etc.

We can’t relate to the rich and famous. But, we can relate to the human spirit. The desire and drive to make a difference.

NAMI’s list reminds us that someone with serious MI can live a victorious life. Yes, it’s a struggle.

But, we are not alone:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

We can be more than conquerors:

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)

We often hear horror stories about MI. Like the mass shootings in Connecticut and Colorado. Anxiety can consume us after hearing those stories. Seldom do we hear success stories. How encouraging it is to know many people live fulfilled lives in spite of their MI.

How could it happen?

Dec12

Hungarian Mall

What does 12-12-12 mean to you?

Maybe it’s a fun date. Perhaps it’s your wedding day. Your marriage ceremony strategically scheduled to be a reminder of anniversaries. Or it might be the birth of your child guaranteed by a Caesarean section. For some in Oregon, today represents the first day without a loved one. A family member killed in a mall.

Shoppers were on a hunt for deals, unaware of a killer among them.

We watch the TV reports and experience feelings of shock. Our sense of safety is rattled. We find ourselves asking an all-too familiar question, “How could it happen?”

To innocent victims. Without warning. Once again.

Cries of desperation fill our minds: Why? Stop the madness!

Our hearts break for the families of those who lost loved ones. We struggle to console the fears of children who witnessed such horror. While trying to find peace ourselves.

Whoever expects danger? No one goes holiday shopping expecting to be confronted by a mass shooter. Like the thousands of people in the mall that day, many of us go out buying Christmas gifts. Expecting festive and safe stores.

Eventually, a sense of security will be restored. Rational minds will find comfort in the fact that the shooting was a rare incident. Shoppers will return to their carefree strolls through stores. With overspending as their greatest worry.

Some of us however will not have a sense of security. Families who have loved ones with serious mental illness (MI) expect the unexpected. In some cases, even danger is a daily fear.

We can imagine how someone can snap and unleash violence. How could it happen?

We’ll tell you how. We’re often powerless to prevent it. To get our loved one help without being harmed, ourselves. Some of us face a child who is unstable. But, if he hasn’t proven to be a harm to himself or others, he cannot be committed against his will.

So, we live with uncertainty and anxiety. How can we find peace? We can cling to promises that calm our fears.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

“Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12

You can take action. In your prayers for the victims of the holiday shooting, remember to pray for families who have loved ones with MI.

What do you see?

Dec5

“So Pharaoh asked them, ‘Can we find anyone like this man, one in whom is the spirit of God?’” (Genesis 41:38)

Does it irk you when someone advises, “Look for the silver lining”? Maybe you fight the urge to snap back, “That’s easy for you to say!”

My son, Chris, and I share the same dark cloud of disability. His mental illness (MI), mine multiple sclerosis (MS).

One day Chris asked me, “Do you feel like you’re in prison because of your illness?”

I replied, “I’m sure anyone could feel like they’re imprisoned by their disability. Chronic illness often steals freedom. It robs people of what they love doing. But, I don’t feel like I’m in prison. My MS isn’t in control of my life. God is.”

How could I manage to offer such a response? I surely didn’t follow the advice from a popular song. “Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.”

Who wants to live life waiting for grey skies to clear up? What if they don’t? Does that mean God’s forgotten us? No!

Who wants to simply put on a happy face? Wouldn’t we rather feel true joy that radiates on our face?

Am I happy about my MS? Absolutely not! But, my physical challenges have caused me to understand the fruit of the Holy Spirit. God’s power enables me to have His joy while enduring longsuffering. It’s a power others have called upon in far worse trials. People like Corrie ten Boom.

How could Corrie ten Boom speak of God’s love when surrounded by the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp? The same way Paul and Silas could sing while in prison (Acts 16:25). God’s power inside them, the Holy Spirit, filled them with supernatural joy and peace. That’s the kind of joy and peace I want!

Jonah shows us that an affliction can change a person’s perspective. (Jonah 2:2) After spending three days and nights in the belly of the fish, Jonah lifted his voice to God with a “voice of thanksgiving.” (Jonah 1:17 to Jonah 2:9)

Job shows us that even if all is lost, we can still praise God. After losing everything, Job said, “I know that my Redeemer lives.” (Job 19:25)

Joseph faced betrayal from his brothers (Genesis 37: 23-28) and from his master’s wife (Genesis 39:10, 17-20). But Joseph didn’t become bitter. God prospered whatever he did. Pharaoh even knew the secret to Joseph: the Spirit of God lived in him.

Clouds can serve as reminders to us. When we look into the sky, we have a choice. Will we look at the grey cloud or the silver lining? Do we focus on the darkness around us or the Light shining inside us?

The clouds can remind us of the ‘great cloud of witness’ – the heroes of faith listed in Hebrews. (Hebrews 12:1) Those fellow believers are cheering us on. Telling us we can have joy in spite of our struggles.

Fear Mixed with Joy

Nov25

Other than on a rollercoaster ride, where else do fear and joy exist together?

Could anyone who is deathly afraid of flying be joyful and fearful in the air? What would motivate that person to strap themselves into a plane and face a barf bag? Knowing they’ll most likely use it. They might risk anything to be reunited with a loved one.

I share such yearnings.

Years ago, my husband and I traveled to Romania. I love flying and couldn’t wait to take off.

At the conference for Christian educators, we became close friends with the Romanian teachers.

I’ve kept in touch for several years with one lady. We email prayer requests and share family news. I enjoy hearing from her, but long to see her again. To be in her presence once more.

Nothing communicates better than a warm embrace. There are no language barriers when close friends look deep into each other’s eyes. Silence speaks volumes.

I’ve missed you. I’ve prayed for you. You mean so much to me. I’m honored to know you. Let me just rest in your presence.

Skype contact can’t fill the room with her sweet aroma. A picture of her can’t replace her gentle touch.

If I could afford it, I’d travel to Romania to be reunited with her again.

If I had the money to take the trip and feared flying, I’d still go. Joy would override apprehension.

In the Bible, we read about several women who went to Christ’s tomb. Grief and sadness were replaced with other emotions. Soon they were filled with fear and joy. (Matthew 28:8)

What consumed them with fear? Was it seeing the huge stone rolled away? Or seeing an angel? Or finding their Lord’s body gone?

What swelled their hearts with such elation? It was the joyous message the angel told them.

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said…” (Matthew 28:6)

Hearing their Lord had risen filled them with delight.

Fear is a familiar feeling to us. We know what it’s like to see unexpected, upsetting, and unpredictable behaviors. It’s normal to be afraid.

Can we, like the women at Christ’s tomb experience joy amid fear? Yes! For the same reason the women were able to rejoice in spite of what they just saw and experienced. Christ is alive.

Just like those women, we seek Him. The One who will hear, help and heal. We want to know He’s there.

In Matthew 28:20 we read Christ’s own words of assurance: “… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

That’s a promise we can cling to when all else falls apart.

He’s with us when things are unpredictable. When dreams are shattered. When sorrow overwhelms us.

All we need to do is believe. Don’t feel badly if that’s easier said than done. Even Jesus’ apostles needed this admonition to believe Christ rose from the dead: “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!” (Luke 24:25)

Oh, what joy they experienced once they realized Christ had risen and spoke to them!

“Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32)

May you be quick to believe so your heart will burn within as Christ speaks to you. Listen to Him. Hear the words you long to hear. Rest in His presence. Fear may creep in, but joy will fill your soul.

What do you long to hear from your Lord?

To Keep a Secret

Nov21

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13

‘Wanna know how to instantly get children quiet? Whisper into someone’s ear. Suddenly a hush will fill the room as ears strain to hear the private message.

Kids learn at a young age to protect their privacy. They know when others should mind their own business. If anyone tries to intrude, they shout, “It’s none of your business!”

But they’re curious to know other people’s business. A craving shared by some adults. Living on a diet of juicy gossip. Discovering protected stories is their mission. Proudly passing them along is their delight.

Why do some people thrive on learning sensitive information? Why do they get such a thrill from capturing scandalous facts?

Perhaps, we all secretly want to peek into the lives of others. To know we’re not the only ones with shocking experiences locked in the vault of our mind. In hopes that our skeletons in the closet aren’t as bad as other’s.

Why don’t we want others to know our child has mental illness (MI)? Our motherly instincts compel us to protect. Protect from what? Is it that we fear our child will be teased? We’ll do anything to shield our child from more pain.

Is there a time to share our secret? Esther knew the importance of waiting until the right time to reveal her family secret (Esther 2:20). Sometimes, it’s best to wait before sharing. Especially when many misunderstand and unfairly judge those who have MI. God will grant us wisdom to know when and if to share our secret.

Could anything good come from revealing the diagnosis?

Think about how heavy a shopping bag feels when it’s stuffed with groceries. Consider how the weight seems to get heavier as the bag is carried a great distance to the car. Such relief comes when that load is laid down!

We’re carrying a heavy load in our hearts. Looking for someone with outstretched arms, ready to receive our pain.

Finally, we find a trusted friend. We share our secret. Lay down our burden. And experience such relief!

We’re no longer alone.

Dear heavenly Father,

Protect my child from those who would tease or treat him unkindly if they discovered he has MI. Thank You for giving me a friend who can be trusted with our family secret. How I long for people to have a greater understanding of those who have MI! Move mightily in the hearts and minds of people so the shame and stigma associated with MI will be replaced with insight and compassion. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Thankful?

Nov15

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

“The man next door is building a tunnel under the ground and into my room.” Such was the statement born out of the woman’s disease rather than reality. Paranoia filled her mind with scary thoughts. The culprit? An aggressive form of dementia.

Two decades prior to my visit to that nursing home, I met Cathy. I first knew her as our son’s kindergarten aide. Through the years, I came to love her joyful spirit. I got to know her vibrant and sweet personality. At times, she could be mischievous. We shared many happy memories and became close friends. More like family.

It was only a year ago that love radiated from Cathy’s face, words, and actions. Such a stark contrast to her countenance in those unfamiliar surroundings. On that day in the nursing home sat a broken, fearful woman.

An inner sadness tugged the corners of her mouth downward. Sheer discouragement dragged her chin to her chest.

Confused thinking prevented clear communication. Yet, her body language shouted one clear message: I hate this place! I dread one more day living like this!

But, Cathy’s illness couldn’t smother her gratitude. For a brief moment, she lifted her head and whispered,

“Thanks for being here.” Obviously thankful in her circumstances, not for them.

Aren’t we all like Cathy? In an intolerable situation, we’re grateful when someone comes along side us. At the death of a loved one, we’re comforted by the presence of a compassionate friend. A person who speaks not a word…just silently shares the sorrow.

We can empathize with others who know our sorrow. We can share their discouragement and anguish. Yet, we are not defeated. Why? Because of His unfailing love. Because of His wonderful deeds.

Like Cathy, we can be thankful for His presence. Grateful for His existence in our lives. Appreciative of His protection and provision.

A scared little child finds relief when a parent grabs his hand. Reach out to grab your Father’s hand.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This Thanksgiving, we’ll be able to give Him thanks because of His love, help, and presence.

Dear Father, thank You for Your unfailing love and wonderful deeds. (Psalm 107:8, 15, 21, and 31)

I can face tomorrow because I can depend on Your love. Your Word promised that Your love endures forever. (1 Chronicles 16:34 & 41, 2 Chronicles 20:21, Psalm 106:1, Psalm 107:1, Psalm 118:1& 29, Psalm 136: 1-3 & 26, and Jeremiah 33:11)

Back on Track

Nov8

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7

It’s not even Thanksgiving and signs of Christmas are everywhere: in the stores and on TV commercials. The Hallmark channel has already begun their Christmas movies marathon. Ugh!

One Christmas movie featured a toy train set. I got to thinking. What do people love so much about toy trains? Is it the hypnotic, slow pace? Is it the power to control the pace? Is it the Christmas tree lights shining down on the train?

I’m sure the memories are what we love best. Reminders of a safer time in our lives. When life seemed simple and magical.

Most people have perfected the skill of getting a toy train back on track. You gently slide the train back and forth along the track until the wheels click back in place.

Wouldn’t it be nice to solve life’s derailments so simply?

Ever get on the wrong train? Scenes outside the window fill your stomach with a sick feeling. Being on the wrong track is never a good feeling.

Oh no. I’m on the wrong train. I’m headed in the wrong direction. This is so embarrassing. Where will this lead me? How soon can I get off?

Relief comes only when you’re safely on the correct train. Restoration to damaged pride comes later!

God’s people seemed to get off track when they wandered in the wilderness. God constantly got them back on track. They grumbled. God provided. They complained. God forgave and provided. They whined. God remained long suffering.

When things get off track in life, it’s not so simple to restore smooth traveling. We may not know where we’re headed. Thankfully, our Father is the master conductor of our lives.

Parenting a child with mental illness (MI) tends to get us derailed. Like the Israelites, we tend to worry. Yet, God provides. We fear. God protects. We lose hope. God restores our faith in Him. Gently sliding us back on track. As we focus on familiar scenes of His faithfulness.

We’re not simply on a track leading through the tunnel of MI. We’re fighting the good fight. A battle for the spiritual well-being of our child and our family. We face spiritual warfare right in our homes.

Yet, tribulation will not separate us from the love of Christ. Romans 8:35-39 assures us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

When I see evidence of the enemy’s attempts to taunt or torture my son, I get angry. I quote Romans 8:35-39.

How are you fighting to keep the faith and to restore His peace?

Hurricane

Oct29

Hurricane Sandy seen moving towards the east coast of the US in this NASA satellite image taken on 10-29-12

Yesterday, a friend and I drove towards the approaching Hurricane Sandy.

Dubbed “Frankenstorm”, the storm promised to be large, powerful, and dangerous. The ingredients were enough to impress meteorologists and terrorize residents along the northeast coastline of America. The 2^nd largest hurricane ever would cross land in the most populated part of our country. A powerful Jetstream from the west and a high in the north would create a wind tunnel. Increasing the storm’s intensity.

The storm was predicted to hit our area on Monday. But, a hurricane that has tropical storm-force winds extending out to 520 miles can pack a punch even from a distance. As we drove home toward the Philadelphia area, we were grateful the wind and rain weren’t too bad.

So, why would my friend and I even think of venturing out Sunday afternoon? We wanted to connect with other families who would understand what it’s like to have a loved one with mental illness (MI).

We know there are other moms like us who have a child with mental illness. But, we wanted to meet other courageous families who know exactly what our lives are like. So, we traveled 82 miles to attend a support group meeting at No Longer Alone Ministries. Attending their Christian support group meeting was our motivation.

We left feeling blessed and encouraged. Those who attended the meeting inspired us. They told stories of how they cling to their faithful Father in the midst of deep sorrow and grief.

Each day, they live in the midst of a storm.

Some experience swirling winds of emotions, and crashing violence. Some spoke of the impact MI had on finances.

Others face an eerie silence from a once vibrant child.

All expressed an awareness of the challenges of a storm: unpredictability of their situation, loss of power, disruption of normalcy, uncertainty of the future, and destruction of lives.

All offered testimony to how God has provided. Surely God can be found in the storms of life.

Exodus 24:12 tells us the Lord invited Moses to, “Come up to me on the mountain and stay here…”

That’s His invitation to us. Moses heard God speak from within the cloud.

We, too, can hear God speak to us inside our clouds. Listen to His promises.

As I watch scenes on TV which show the power of the storm, I’m reminded of God’s power and provision. His people wandered in the wilderness and God provided for their needs. Food rained down from heaven in such abundance that it couldn’t be counted.

“He let loose the east wind from the heavens and by his power made the south wind blow. He rained meat down on them like dust, birds like sand on the seashore.” Psalm 78:26-28

That same God will provide for our needs as we journey in our wilderness.