What’s the dream of a mom raising a child with mental illness (MI)? For many of us the answer is found in the word ‘whole.’ Our greatest desire is for the broken child or family to be whole again. So our broken heart can rejoice once again.
It seems impossible to ignore the shattered pieces of a child’s life. We do all we can to put them back together again. But often feel like Humpty Dumpty’s king’s horses and king’s men who could put Humpty Dumpty together again. We would understand the cry of the king if he moaned, “What made Humpty Dumpty so fragile? Why didn’t he just roll away, unscathed?”
An army of why’s attack:
Why did this happen?
Why can’t any restore clarity of thought?
Why doesn’t anyone understand?
Why do we have to endure another holiday that’s overshadowed and complicated by MI?
Why can’t life just return to normal?
We writhe in emotional pain as we stand defenseless. Our arsenal of answers is empty. The barrage of why’s batters our soul. Leaving us secretly broken.
How can we feel whole while waiting for restoration?
If we love the Lord with our whole heart, we can crowd out sorrow. Sadness will remain, but God will refresh our soul. He did that for me as I searched His Word for verses about loving Him completely. He’ll do it for you.
Your situation may differ from mine. But God is the same. May He bless you as you read the following verses.
God requires us to love Him with our whole heart.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:).”
“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul (Deuteronomy 10:12).”
“The Lord your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul (Deuteronomy 26:16).”
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37).’” Also found in: Mark 12:30 and Luke 10:27
God blesses those who love Him with a whole heart.
“‘If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a successor on the throne of Israel (1 Kings 2:4).’”
“So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul— then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil (Deuteronomy 11:13-14).”
“The Lord will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your ancestors, if you obey the Lord your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul (Deuteronomy 30:9-10).”
“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart (Jeremiah 24:7).”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).”
A prayer asking the Lord for an undivided heart.
“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever (Psalm 86:11-12).”
Praise results from a steadfast love of the Lord.
“My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music (Psalm 57:7).”
“My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul (Psalm 108:1).”
“I will extol the Lord with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly (Psalm 111:1).”
“I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart … and will praise your name for your unfailing love and your faithfulness … When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me (Psalm 138:1-3).”
“But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul (Joshua 22:5).”
I just read your “love scriptures” and I would cry but have to hold it in till i go to bed. Not that my husband is an ogre; he’s a wonderful man but he’s been hurt so many times so badly that his anger and rage with Keith is not a good place for me to go to. His walls are up and I get that. Its self protecting. My life is falling apart because I can’t disconnect like he does. He prays for Keith; when he crys in church (which is a lot) it’s usually for Keith. He is right in many ways and I am wrong; difference between a man and a woman. Can’t say all here that I’m feeling, as I know you get that.
Yes, I am in deep emotional painand I feel very defenseless. I am empty with why with no answers. My arsenal is badly broken and I’m so so very tired. Dying would seem to be a very easy way out right now. Heaven sounds awfully good at this point. Yet, I still have Bud and my other son and my 6 grandchildren(whom I hardly ever see). They wouldn’t miss me much, I think to myself. My son would but would go on with his very full life like I did when I lost my parents. And Bud could find a healthy wife. He hates when I have actually said that to him.
I love when you say if we love The Lord with our whole heart, we can crowd out sorrow. The sadness will remain but God will refresh our soul! He did that for you but Vicki, my faith must be weak because I don’t know how to do that right now nor do I have strength to do it for myself. I love Proverbs 3:5-6 and am going to print out all these scriptures and the hope ones. And read them everyday That’s all I know todo.
Thank you Vicki for letting me pour my heart out. I am indeed in a dark place.
We are now 15 years since diagnosis, more than 20 years since first symptoms. Even though we’ve mourned the lost future and have lived in the “new” normal, there are time those questions still cloud our heart and mind. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your words of (LONG) experience. Life with MI can feel so complicated. And yet you boiled it down to truths: mourn the lost future and life in the “new” normal. That’s our challenge. And by God’s grace, we’ll all become whole (His way for us to be whole).
It helps us to know there will always be times those questions still will cloud our heart and mind. So we won’t be taken by surprise when that happens. Or feel we’re losing the battle. It’s all part of the slow healing.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m SO sorry you’re in such deep emotional pain. From where I ‘stand’ (sit) at my computer, though, I see strong faith in you…faith that is overshadowed by that darkness. Having experienced such pain, I’m impressed that you’re clinging to your faith—still hanging onto God’s promises. What a great idea to print out those scriptures and read them every day. On days when I felt depleted in every way (emotionally, physically, mentally), I held onto God’s Word. As you stated so simply: “That’s all I knew to do.”
I do get that you can’t say everything here. Let’s agree to pray for each other’s unspoken details.
From my heart to yours,