Do you feel you’ve been left to suffer alone? Has no one come alongside you to help you parent a child with mental illness (MI)?
When a loved one dies, friends and relatives flock to the home of the grieving family. When someone is going through cancer treatments, friends offer meals and send get-well cards. When a person has been in a car accident, family members rush to the hospital. It’s different when a child is admitted into a psychiatric unit.
Why do we feel so alone when experiencing a crisis due to MI? Often, it’s because our needless shame prevents us from reaching out. Sometimes others simply couldn’t understand the turmoil that’s in our child, in our homes, and in our heart. How could they? There are no words that could convey the devastation. The whole experience can seem so surreal—even to us.
Dealing with MI can be a long journey. We get so tired of … well, of it all. Especially the loneliness. But, you are not alone. It helps to know others understand.
Paul experienced abandonment.
The apostle Paul was literally abandoned. In the absence of supporters during his time of need, Paul didn’t abandon his faith. He knew God hadn’t abandoned him.
“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:16-18).
Can you feel God standing by your side, giving you strength to face another day?
Job experienced abandonment.
In the midst of his trials, Job experienced feelings of abandonment. He had suffered the loss of his business, animals, and children. Friends and family didn’t rally around him. They all left him. Imagine his loneliness.
Isolation led him to cry, “He has alienated my family from me; my acquaintances are completely estranged from me. My relatives have gone away; my closest friends have forgotten me. My guests and my female servants count me a foreigner; they look on me as on a stranger. I summon my servant, but he does not answer, though I beg him with my own mouth. My breath is offensive to my wife; I am loathsome to my own family” (Job 19:13-17).
So sad. So pathetic. Can you relate?
Sometimes MI causes our child to behave like one who is betraying us. Can anyone emphasize with that kind of hurt? Once again, we can reach back through the centuries and find someone who knows our pain. God speaks to our heart in the heart of the Bible. Smack in the middle of His Word we find the book of Psalms. There we read about David’s plight.
David experienced betrayal and persecution in the midst of abandonment.
“They repay me evil for good and leave me like one bereaved. Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth and humbled myself with fasting. When my prayers returned to me unanswered, I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother. But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee; assailants gathered against me without my knowledge. They slandered me without ceasing. Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked; they gnashed their teeth at me” (Psalm 35:12-16).
Later in Psalms, David despaired that, “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me” (Psalm 41:9).
Here’s more proof that David endured betrayal and abandonment:
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend” (Psalm 55:12-13).
Christ experienced abandonment.
The night soldiers came to arrest Jesus, Matthew tells us that, “All the disciples forsook Him and fled” (Matthew 26:56b).
Is it comforting to know that Jesus understands your feelings of isolation?
The last thing we need is advice from people who have no clue what it’s like to raise a child with MI. However, someone who understands our loneliness would get our full attention if they shared advice. David knew we could benefit from his words of wisdom. He not only shared his hard-earned advice, but he added a promise. He recommended that you, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Psalm 55:22).
David could say with assurance, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).
For David, it was personal. He found comfort and assistance from the One who never left him.
“As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me” (Psalm 55:16).
Can you echo David’s words of assurance? Because God is unchanging and all loving, every one of us can make the same statement, “As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.” We don’t find confidence by mustering up hope. We find confidence by trusting the One who is faithful.
A biblical pep talk:
David has these words of encouragement for you:
“Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble” (Psalm 41:1).
“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me” (John 16:32).
A lonely widow shows us how to trust God each day:
“The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help” (1 Timothy 5:5).
You’re not alone.
Hi Vicki, good words for all. I wanted to give an update and prayer request for my nephew. He has an appointment on Wed May 20 th with a psychiatrist. It has been a long journey. The facility Dr keeps prescribing drugs and still having him attend group therapy. My nephew diagnosed as shizoaffective and is still hearing voices. In research my sister read that most patients with this disorder doesn’t do well with group therapy. My sister has requested individual therapy but to no avail. It has been a long waiting list just to get an appointment with new Dr. Please please pray that this Dr can help my nephew. As you know it is sad to see our MI loved ones struggle and not being treated with the right kind of help. I pray daily. Good news my sister and nephew have attended a church group where each week a speaker shares of their hurts, habits and hang ups. So the word of God is being heard. I know that the word is powerful and everything is in His timing. Thanks for prayers. Will keep you posted. Thanks Ellen
Thanks for the update. I’ll be praying for your nephew’s upcoming apt. with a psychiatrist. It truly is sad – and frustrating – to “see our MI loved ones struggle and not being treated with the right kind of help.” You’re using the best and most effective weapon in this battle against MI: your daily prayers.
I’m so happy to hear your sister and nephew have attended a church group. Yes, God’s Word is powerful. I’m grateful to have a heavenly Father who can care for my son in ways I can’t: doing a mighty work in my son’s life, heart, and mind. I’m also grateful to experience His perfect peace in the midst of MI. I’ll be praying your sister and nephew will experience that same peace.
Relying on His strength,
Dr visit went well. New Dr taking him off most of his meds. The abilify was causing a reaction in his brain. Yesterday was the first day off abilify. He was anxious and still hearing voices. He starts individual therapy next week. Praying breakthoughs will occur. Thanks for prayers. Hope all is well by you. Hugs
I’m glad the apt. with the new dr. went well, and am happy to hear your nephew will start individual therapy next week. I’ll keep praying (for breakthroughs, and that God will quiet the voices and his anxious feelings).
Gotta run…our other son and his family are coming this weekend. Got lots to do…praying God will give me the strength I need. It’ll be wonderful to see our two granddaughters!
Grace and peace,