MI: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Can Mental illness (MI) ever be good? One account in the Bible shows how “MI” came in handy.

King David faked insanity to escape the enemy. David, out of fear of King Achish of Gath and his servants, “pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard. (1 Samuel 21:13)”

Insanity led to David’s deliverance. “Achish said to his servants, ‘Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house?’ David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam… (1 Samuel 21:14-15 & 1 Samuel 22:1)”

Other than that story, I can’t think of anything good about MI. Can you?

So that’s the good of MI. What’s the bad of MI? The bad is when it seeps into a healthy person’s psyche. Contaminating thoughts. Selling lies.

A former second grade student of mine, Alex, had exceptional language skills. Rarely had I witnessed such amazing articulation. His verbal expression even impressed his peers.

The time came for students to give an oral book report. As expected, most were nervous. Surprisingly, so was Alex. He faced his classmates frozen. Unable to speak. Why would HE be afraid to do a presentation?

It became obvious the enemy was feeding him a lie. Telling him, “You can’t do this.”

I took him out in the hall to give a pep talk. Thankfully, as a Christian educator, I could use scripture to melt his fears.

I assured him by saying, “2 Timothy 1:7 tells us God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear. What He calls us to do, He’ll enable us to accomplish. Philippians 4:13 promises, ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ The truth is that God has blessed you with wonderful speaking skills. He’ll help you give your oral book report.”

Still afraid, he asked, “Can I do it tomorrow?”

I granted him permission to wait, knowing his parents would echo my words from scripture and pray with him. He did okay the next day. And remembered God’s faithfulness. In third grade he sang a solo during a Christmas concert—in front of hundreds of people.

Alex suffered a common fear: public speaking. Never before that day had he demonstrated anxiety. His behaviors weren’t a result of MI.

Some of our children suffer anxiety disorders. They face overwhelming fears which can be crippling. Or battle worries which are constant. Their symptoms aren’t temporary like those experienced by Alex.

Other forms of MI can be equally debilitating. Our children need help to overcome challenges related to their illness. Sadly, instead of support, we receive judgment from others.

The ugly truth about MI is that some people think our kids are pretending to have anxiety or depression. Assuming their behaviors can easily be controlled. Outsiders jump to wrong conclusions and pass negative judgments. “It’s a character flaw, a ploy to gain power, or manipulation to get out of doing work.” All beliefs are wrong. Anyone who has ever experienced MI would tell you they’d do anything to feel better. Sadly, our children who have MI aren’t faking it like King David did.

Another ugly truth about MI is that some people think the child should “just snap out of it.” The assumption driving such incorrect thinking is that the symptoms are temporary. Outsiders advise, “Just talk to your child and he’ll stop acting that way.” The false belief is that reasoning would be all that’s necessary to improve behavior (like it did with Alex).

God healed Alex from his irrational fear. Can our heavenly Father do the same for our children who suffer from MI? Certainly He’s able. I witnessed an extraordinary miracle in the life of an adolescent. You can read about her transformed life in the message I posted August 21, 2013 entitled ‘Anxiety.’

The wonderful Truth is that God is able to help us through our own challenges, heartaches, and loneliness of MI.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)”

Another wonderful Truth is that Christ overcame death. May you be encouraged by that reminder of His limitless power. Be blessed by this song as you reflect on His second coming.

‘Glorious Day’ by Casting Crowns

What’s beautiful?

Jan29

Multnomah Falls Boulder

Multnomah Falls, Oregon

“Get a picture of that boulder!” interrupted my husband. The excitement in his voice yanked my attention away from the breathtaking waterfall. I matched my gaze in the direction of his eyes, expecting to find a thing of beauty. Nothing in that direction moved me. We entered into a sort of I Spy game.

“Which boulder? Where is it?” I inquired.

“To the right of that big tree,” he directed.

The hunt went on for quite a while. Part of the problem: what he found beautiful looked like a huge rock to me. I finally realized which boulder took his breath away.

Beauty certainly IS in the eye of the beholder!

I kept my opinion to myself and snapped the picture.

What do you find refrigerator-worthy? My aunt places snapshots of sunsets on her frig.

Most parents display their children’s school work. Like me. Years ago, Chris’ test papers decorated our kitchen. Learning came easy to him, so he earned a multitude of A’s. Each one found a place of prominence on the refrigerator.

Then one day Chris got a low grade. Mostly for not following directions. He presented the paper to me in tears.

“Why are you crying?” I asked.

“I’m afraid you’re not gonna love me anymore.”

“Oh, Chris. NOTHING will ever change my love for you. Nothing.”

Chris mistakenly interpreted my pleasure in academic excellence as a measure of my love. I assured him of my love. But his comment made me rethink which papers were refrigerator-worthy. Only the ones which demonstrated great effort were awarded a spot with the comment, “I love you because of who you are. Let’s celebrate your effort.”

How ‘bout your parenting? Do you feel it wouldn’t qualify for a place on a refrigerator? Are you hard on yourself? Is your child’s mental illness (MI) making you feel like a failure? Do friends, relatives, and educators feed your personal assessment? By judging you on your child’s behavior? You’re probably not alone. Many of us focus on our child’s performance rather than our own effort. No wonder we feel unworthy of joining the refrigerator representatives of success.

Do you think there’s nothing beautiful in how you manage your child who has MI? Shift your criteria from what you can’t control to what’s within your ability to demonstrate. You’ll find beauty in your endless effort, unconditional love, and heartfelt prayers.

Celebrate the impact you have in your home. You light a dark mood with your joy. Turmoil that invades your home can’t rob you of God’s peace. When MI causes conflict between family members, you appeal to the One who can intervene. Trusting the Mediator, who reconciled mankind to God through His death, to heal relationships.

Outsiders define good parenting by what they see. Without knowing the challenges you face. Thankfully, the Bible challenges us to be God-pleasers rather than man-pleasers (Galatians 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 2:4). Align your definition of beauty with the biblical definition. What pleases our heavenly Father?

“For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory (Psalm 149:4).”

He loves you for who you are. You’re a child of the King. Amazing!

“…The prayer of the upright pleases him (Proverbs 15:8).”

Your prayers delight Him. Imagine that.

“The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love (Psalm 147:11).”

In spite of insurmountable trials, you maintain your hope in Him.

What’s beautiful to God? You are.

What’s beautiful about God? He’s patient and longsuffering. He’s accessible. He’s on the throne. He’s never changing. He gave His only Son to die for our sins. He sent the Holy Spirit to live within us.

There’s undeniable beauty in God’s power displayed in creation. We find beauty in His Word and promises. We experience it in His sovereignty and power. We depend on His abundant hope and perfect peace. And rest in His unconditional love and faithfulness.

We anticipate the ultimate beauty: His promise of heaven where there will be no more MI or tears.

Reflect on the beauty of God as you listen to Phil Wickham’s song ‘You’re Beautiful.’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfhb0_tmrbc

Heads up!

Jan15

“Heads up!” What happens if you don’t heed that warning? You take your chances. A ball may be rocketing right toward your face! Athletes need to remain attentive.

Keen attention is required for students. Some demonstrate it and some don’t. Those who don’t pay attention in class risk failing tests. To help distractible students, I seated them beside classmates with extraordinary powers of concentration. The children with tremendous focus provided good examples. The inattentive students learned to follow the lead of their neighbor.

How can an eight year old demonstrate consistent focus? Maybe it’s because he gets lost of practice looking up. His small stature requires tilting the head to look at those in authority. The vast difference in size reminds the youngster of the adult’s greater power.

That gives us a picture of what we can do. Tilt our heads to the heavens toward the One Who has great power. Mental illness (MI) can loom so large in our lives. What if we looked up to God more often? Would our perspective change?

Photography offers a symbol of a transformed viewpoint. My new passion is snapping pictures from the ground. Looking up reveals surprises. Things appear much larger and more beautiful. Like the two pictures of the violin. I took several photos so we could advertise it on Craig’s List. Looking down, I captured a beautifully-crafted instrument in a humdrum context. The picture I took looking up made me smile. Surrounded by the sky, the violin became part of God’s creation.

Likewise, we can view our journey with God’s plan as the backdrop. With that perspective, MI shrinks in its size and power over us. It becomes just part of God’s canvas for our lives.

Come with me as I usher you into God’s Museum of Sovereignty. Stroll with me as we pass by paintings on the walls. Each one depicts a different life. We arrive at the portrait of your life. Pause and study the Artist’s work. At first glance, swirls of dark colors depict turmoil. Linger a bit and let the divine details draw you in. Search for the significance behind each stroke.

Behind the shadows of your trial, you see splashes of His light illuminating your path. Suddenly you spot the beauty of His faithfulness. As you peer closer, you detect glimpses of His purpose. You contemplate the Artist’s meaning behind the characters and scenes.

Trace the stream of your teardrops. They flow down the Mountain of Comfort and dissolve into the Pool of Insight. His power and love become as crystal clear as the water. Gratitude fills your heart. And you smile.

When MI becomes so complicated and you don’t know where to turn, remember the advice: heads up!

Close your eyes and see the violin surrounded by endless sky. Imagine that the violin represents your life. Think of the sky as God’s abundant hope. His endless peace envelopes your life. With eyes still closed, reflect on the sculpture He’s forming in you. He who begun the good work has promised to be faithful to complete it.

We often begin our day praying for no problems. Hoping our day will be perfect. Rather than anticipating His perfection in the midst of trials.

Without a heavenly perspective, MI can certainly hammer us until we hang our head low in hopelessness. The Psalmist experienced such despair. He gave us the perfect example of self-talk in Psalm 42:5 & 11, Psalm 43:5. We can join him by saying, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”

There it is. The ‘heads up’ we need. Look up to One Who is bigger than any of our problems.

Hebrews 12:1-2 reminds us to look up in our journey.

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Reflect on God. He is above all things and thinks of you, above all else. Let Michael W. Smith’s song ‘Above All’ bless you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjYiEyu8Si8

Speechless

Nov20

Could you function without your voice? It would certainly be challenging. Especially for teachers. I know. For several months I had to teach without a voice.

Years ago, right before the start of a new school year, my cousin encouraged me to attend dirt car races.

“You haven’t lived until you’ve experienced dirt car races,” she assured me.

Upon arrival to the track, I was greeted with a set of ear plugs. Apparently, dirt cars race without mufflers. Soon I got caught up in all the excitement. Thinking it was just like any social event, I shared my thoughts and emotions. I shouted to be heard through the ear plugs and over the thunder of the cars.

Hours of screaming left my vocal cords injured. At first I thought I had a case of laryngitis.

Greeting my new second graders presented a challenge. My students needed to learn all about their new curriculum, my procedures, their schedule…

After four weeks my voice still hadn’t returned. So I visited the doctor.

“You have to stop using your voice if you want it to heal. Even a stage whisper will prolong the healing.”

My doctor’s recommendations stunned me.

How can I teach without a voice?

Out of desperation, I assigned an announcer. Each day one student was designated to proclaim any message I whispered in his ear. My seven-year-old students rose to the challenge. They loved declaring each statement.

They stood straight and tall and yelled the message. Clearly. Loudly. Slowly.

“MRS. CHANDLER SAYS, ‘PLEASE GET OUT YOUR MATH BOOKS AND TURN TO PAGE 38.’”

The students’ reactions were quite surprising. Whenever I’d whisper to them individually, they’d whisper back. So adorable! The ambiance of my classroom became calm and quiet. All day long.

Eventually my voice healed and I could speak for myself.

Sometimes people need others to speak for them. Not due to medical limitations, but because of emotional reasons. Some are too shy. Fear prevents those who feel threatened or vulnerable from sharing what they need. In some cases people don’t speak up because they know how others will react. Either they’ll be ignored or misunderstood.

Mothers who are raising children with mental illness (MI) are often reluctant to speak up. Many reasons cause us to keep our thoughts to ourselves: shame, desire to protect the dignity of their child with MI, sheer exhaustion (mental, physical, and emotional).

Moses felt overwhelmed by God’s call to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. He worried that the people wouldn’t believe him or listen to his voice (Exodus 4:1). Moses argued with God saying that he wasn’t eloquent (Exodus 4:10). God assured Moses that He would give him the words and provided a helper. Aaron, Moses’ brother, would be his spokesman (Exodus 4:11-16).

God faithfully provided a speaker for Moses. And recently God provided someone to be a voice for me. A fellow blogger, CeeLee, nominated this blog for the Liebster Award. I’ve been praying for others to find this blog. There are millions of moms like us raising a child with MI. Many don’t know the hope they can have in the Lord. Many need to know they are not alone. Need to have peace and joy restored.

Thanks to CeeLee, others will learn about this blog. Check out her blog Swim In The Adult Pool Adult ADHD, Parenting Feats, Family Follies. It’s filled with humor, photography, and honesty about life with ADHD. I’m grateful to CeeLee for her public recognition of this blog.

Accepting my nomination involved nominating 10 more blogs that have less than 300 followers. Each nominee has the choice to accept or decline the nomination. If you’re a nominee and decide to accept the nomination, answer the 10 questions below (after the 10 nominees). Post your answers on YOUR blog (rather than here-a mistake I made when nominated…oops!). Check out this link to find out more information and rules for Liebster Award winners: http://booksintheburbs.com/tag/liebster-award-blog-winners/

Here are my Liebster Award nominees:

1. Living a Blessed Life: http://livingablessedlife.blogspot.com/

Mary Jo’s Profile: I am desperately in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am married to my best friend, Geoff. Together we parent 6 precious children (3 in our home and 3 in our hearts.) My life has taken some interesting twists & turns, but MY GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! May you know His love and grace as well.

2. Encouragement from my heart: http://encouragementfrommyheart.blogspot.com/

Lori’s Profile: Poems begin from deep within, from God’s heart, through my hands. Writing from my heart is passion. Writing from my soul is prayer…”I am a woman after “God’s Heart

3. Strength for Today: http://strengthfortoday.wordpress.com/

Part of Diane’s Profile: I hope you’ll be strengthened in your walk with the Lord for the time you spend here with me.

4. His ways are not our ways: http://www.hisways-isaiah558.blogspot.com/

The Mission of Paula’s Blog: I want my posts to be about God and to be about YOU…touching you in some way to enrich your life, strengthen your walk, encourage your heart, or enlighten your mind. This is a ministry for me…to write from my heart what the Lord speaks to me…to be a vessel that God uses for YOU.

5. Grain of Faith: http://grainoffaith.wordpress.com/

Part of the Blog’s Mission: The Lord has placed in my heart a desire to help or just be there for women like me. Women who live to serve God. Women who are hurting for whatever reason.

6. Abundant Blessings: http://www.hisabundantblessings.blogspot.com/

Shelley’s Profile: Shelley wears many hats: wife, homeschooling mom, Christian, writer, weaver, business owner, marketing director, and many more depending on the day. Here you will find a mixed blend of everything related to her writing projects, crafting , our ministry with house churches, our homeschooling, family and more.

7. Unfailingly Loved: http://unfailinglyloved.blogspot.com/

Andrea’s Profile: My passion is to encourage women to be strong and courageous in their walk with Jesus, and to trust in Him and believe in His unfailing love for them. It has been said that “out of our misery comes our ministry.” My desire is to share with you, dear reader, the truths that I know of God. My prayer for each of you is that you are strenghtened in the Lord and drawn closer to Him, as He uses these truths in your own life.

8. Bound to His Heart: http://www.boundtohisheart.blogspot.com/

Charity’s Profile: My name is Charity. My husband and I have been married since 1998. God has been faithful to us through the ups and the downs of the last decade and we fully trust that He will continue to show His faithfulness to us into our future!

We have 4 beautiful children (ages 9, 7, 6, and 4 years old). Motherhood is a job, far beyond what I expected. It’s by far harder and by far more rewarding. Being a mom gives me glimpse into the HEART of God. Often He whispers thoughts to me as I talk/interact with my kids. They are often convicting and always leave me in wonder of the way my Savior unconditionally loves me.

I started blogging and sharing my thoughts because HE urged me to…

9. In Light of the Truth: http://inlightofthetruth.blogspot.com/#uds-search-results

Sarah’s Profile: My name is Sarah. I am a Christian stay-at-home mom, facing all the normal days-to-days that come with being a mom. I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart (Kevin) for seven years, and we now are blessed with our 6 yr. old son (Eli), 4yr old daughter (Hannah), and 3yr old son (Carter). My purpose of this blog is to learn from others, encourage others, and share my journey as I seek God’s will for my life.

10. LovingKindness Ministries: http://lovingkindnessministries.blogspot.ca/

Lori Dixon’s Mission: Speaking Truth in Love to Women . . . He makes beautiful things! No matter where you’re from, what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, God can make something beautiful out of your life.

Questions for My Nominees:

What’s your life all about?
What’s your favorite Bible verse?
Who inspires you and why?
Why did you start your blog?
What was your most fun or unusual experience?
If you had an entire day to yourself, what would you do?
Love this/hate that…Example-here are mine: love caramel apples/hate spiders…What are yours?
Will old fashioned letter writing die?
What do you do with photographs?
Favorite food to grill?